I sit in the middle of my bedroom that looks as chaotic as life feels....after a full weekend, everything.....is everywhere! I turn on my music and let the words and music sink in....and heal!
Sitting and talking this weekend with dear friends was exactly what I needed. Listening, talking and having them speak into my life.
One friend talks about the struggles of life....what feels like the endless struggles! And I think to myself, Does it ever end? If it's not one thing it's another, sometimes there's barely enough time to catch your breath! I sit there emotionally exhausted nodding in agreement! But she continues, and shares how she had been reminded that Sunday morning, that if there's no struggle, then the life inside is dead. With every new bump in the road, the struggle doesn't necessarily get easier...but maybe accepting it does. Maybe even....being grateful for the struggle. Because those battles are what have made me, and in some way or another prepared me for the next thing I encountered! Can I sit here and bless Him, for what He's doing? Can I sit here and say it is good, and I'm grateful for what You're doing...when I don't understand. When something inside me hurts because I'm only beginning to realize that a door has firmly shut, and I want to push my way through it! When I'm missing the life that I had, and experiencing culture shock in the culture I've grown up in.
It's hard to have closure when you never really said a final goodbye! It's hard when Princess doesn't understand where you are. "Is Sarah eating breakfast with us this morning? Is she at market? When is she coming back?" It's hard thinking about not getting to listen to Bob read his first story. He was just starting to sound out words, and it was exciting seeing things connect, and his little face light up when he realized, Hey I just read a word! And Jack and his stories, about animals, and funny things that he did and built in Pennsylvania and Indiana. I never got to say goodbye to the people who owned the different stands at market. Like the lady that always greeted me with, "Shalom! Ma shlomech?!" (Hello! How are you?!") to which I would reply, "Tov! Toda!" (Good! Thanks!). All the smells, the cramped aisles, and the dear old men that would try and push their way through the crowd saying, "Sliha, sliha, sliha!" (Excuse me or Sorry). The joy of being able to understand how to pay for something without having to use any English, and understanding Hebrew numbers! The tropical fruit, and learning to cook and eat with more fresh things, and not using processed foods out of cans! My entire view of food was challenged, stretched, and changed! My skill and creativity were put to the test in the kitchen, and I was able to gain a wealth of knowledge from the experience! When my normal was turned upside down on the other side of the world, and everything familiar was stripped away, I was able to more clearly see what my priorities were, and what I clung to for stability. When the normal is stripped, you see who you really are, what you place your identity in, what you fill your time with.....who you really are, not who you thought you were, or who other people think you are, but who your true self is. And it's rarely pretty!
I can hardly wrap my mind around the past three months that just happened! I was given such a gift that I will forever be grateful for!
I will no longer be updating this blog.
But please don't forget those still in the Middle East. They need your support and encouragement! We were not created to do life alone. No one is an island. We need each other. Especially when oceans and cultures separate!
One friend talks about the struggles of life....what feels like the endless struggles! And I think to myself, Does it ever end? If it's not one thing it's another, sometimes there's barely enough time to catch your breath! I sit there emotionally exhausted nodding in agreement! But she continues, and shares how she had been reminded that Sunday morning, that if there's no struggle, then the life inside is dead. With every new bump in the road, the struggle doesn't necessarily get easier...but maybe accepting it does. Maybe even....being grateful for the struggle. Because those battles are what have made me, and in some way or another prepared me for the next thing I encountered! Can I sit here and bless Him, for what He's doing? Can I sit here and say it is good, and I'm grateful for what You're doing...when I don't understand. When something inside me hurts because I'm only beginning to realize that a door has firmly shut, and I want to push my way through it! When I'm missing the life that I had, and experiencing culture shock in the culture I've grown up in.
It's hard to have closure when you never really said a final goodbye! It's hard when Princess doesn't understand where you are. "Is Sarah eating breakfast with us this morning? Is she at market? When is she coming back?" It's hard thinking about not getting to listen to Bob read his first story. He was just starting to sound out words, and it was exciting seeing things connect, and his little face light up when he realized, Hey I just read a word! And Jack and his stories, about animals, and funny things that he did and built in Pennsylvania and Indiana. I never got to say goodbye to the people who owned the different stands at market. Like the lady that always greeted me with, "Shalom! Ma shlomech?!" (Hello! How are you?!") to which I would reply, "Tov! Toda!" (Good! Thanks!). All the smells, the cramped aisles, and the dear old men that would try and push their way through the crowd saying, "Sliha, sliha, sliha!" (Excuse me or Sorry). The joy of being able to understand how to pay for something without having to use any English, and understanding Hebrew numbers! The tropical fruit, and learning to cook and eat with more fresh things, and not using processed foods out of cans! My entire view of food was challenged, stretched, and changed! My skill and creativity were put to the test in the kitchen, and I was able to gain a wealth of knowledge from the experience! When my normal was turned upside down on the other side of the world, and everything familiar was stripped away, I was able to more clearly see what my priorities were, and what I clung to for stability. When the normal is stripped, you see who you really are, what you place your identity in, what you fill your time with.....who you really are, not who you thought you were, or who other people think you are, but who your true self is. And it's rarely pretty!
I can hardly wrap my mind around the past three months that just happened! I was given such a gift that I will forever be grateful for!
I will no longer be updating this blog.
But please don't forget those still in the Middle East. They need your support and encouragement! We were not created to do life alone. No one is an island. We need each other. Especially when oceans and cultures separate!
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